Who is really to blame in all this mess?

What is happening right now in Egypt is exactly what I expected to happen, I am not at all surprised or upset. This is a consequence of a series of short-sighted decisions with no long term foresight, which is a major, crippling characteristic of Egypt.

No one makes the right decision for the right outcome. Rather, decisions are made based on what is 'good enough' for right now. It happens every single day on every single level.

It happens when someone decides to drive down the wrong way on a one way street, which screws everyone else up, causes traffic jams blocks over, and results in exaggerated horn honking and yelling. The wrong driver picks the fight, justifying the mess he caused with the convenience of taking a short cut. And everyone accommodates him by moving out of the way-- and he never learns a lesson.

It happens whenever a contractor takes the easy way out on every single one of my projects, doing dumb-ass things I've never seen on a construction site before. Things like oh, it was easier to just run a waste pipe right through the kitchen floor, which will now raise it 30cm (12") so, now we have a ceiling height of just 1.8m (5'9"), so we'll just have to get someone short to work in the kitchen. Huh? Or let's open a Lebanese restaurant next door to our pizzeria, but make the guests access the 150 square meter Lebanese restaurant through the 30 square meter pizzeria, so we don't have to make 2 entrances. But keep the maximum number of seats in the pizzeria. The customers can just squeeze past the tables.

It happened when they built new suburbs about 45 minutes outside of Cairo, to lighten the load and traffic on Cairo. But instead of including in these developments, most of which are as large as Cairo themselves, a plan for infrastructure or public transportation, i.e., trains or buses, they made them accessible via one road. One. Paralyzing traffic TO and FROM Cairo, because everyone still works there and has to drive in each and every day.

It happened when Egypt hosted its first ever election, and hastily voted for Morsi rather than the left-over from the old regime.

Morsi comes from a group of people who are so threatening, the previous governments spent decades trying to diffuse and suppress them. Decades. Affiliated with Hamas, and known to be terrorists, Egyptians gave the Muslim brotherhood the power they spent decades killing for. Last year, tucked away in NYC- away from Egypt for 3 years, I could see all the problems Egypt would (and did) have, from miles away.

Did anyone think that the MBs might clean up their act once they got power? Or was this just another short-sighted decision with terrible consequences?

Of course the US is accused ofinfluencing the election and negotiating a deal with the MB, which gave them American and Israeli support, and thus, the presidential position. I don't doubt that for a minute, because America's goal is to control as many puppets around the world, as possible. Egypt has been one of its favorite puppets for decades, and that will always be maintained for America's so called "freedom," or rather, "best interests." Egypt will always have to be poor, and its people will always have to remain largely ignorant so that it never catches up to the US or Israel. Egypt is suppressed to remain a 3rd world country, giving Israel the upper hand, and thereby adhering to the Camp David accords, and playing by America's rules. (Not that I have anything against Israel.)

The military stepped in to broker a deal with Morsi last week, after millions of Egyptians protested against him. Morsi refused to negotiate or compromise on all the undemocratic changes he made this year, so the military united with all political and religious parties, as well as the courts, to come up with a plan to get Egypt back on track, in response to the voices on the streets. What we witnessed was democracy in action, not a coup, and I admire the military for taking on that role.

But through all of this, everyone is looking for someone to blame. The only people I find myself able to blame are the Egyptians who voted Morsi into power. Not the US, not the Egyptian military. The Egyptians who overlooked his loyalty to the MB, the history of the MB, his lack of political experience, his obvious lack of class or charisma... But voted for him anyway. This is all their faults.

They should have had more foresight, they should have been more realistic. They should have anticipated these outcomes. They cannot now, a year later, throw a tantrum because they realized they made a mistake, and now want him removed.

They gave these terrorists the power they wanted for generations, and now that they've decided to take it back, they expect the MBs to just comply? They will fight, they will kill, they will terrorize. And it's all the voters' faults. The rest of us living here have to deal with the consequences of their actions in voting him in.

Don't blame the US, don't blame the military, don't blame the police. They were their votes that gave them the power. They were their cries that took it away.

This is the consequence of giving democracy to a terrorist dictator. His supporters are largely illiterate. His supporters are largely poor. They don't know the difference between a constitution they can't read, and religious manipulation. They don't know the difference between dictatorship and democracy, because dictatorship is all they have ever known. Yet the voters gave them the upper hand, and they won't let go of that now.

My fiancé made a great analogy while trying to calm my frustrations down. Egypt is like a septic tank. Like a waste dump. Egypt is underground in this waste collecting tank, while the rest of the world is living above ground, with fresh air and sunshine. Everyone here is living in shit, and shit is what they're used to. Sometimes, instead of shit, some urine comes down the waste pipe, offering a false reprieve. 'Yes! Piss! Not shit!' But at the end of the day, it is still piss. And while you might think the urine is better than the shit- it will turn out to be just as bad or even worse: Diarrhea.

That is how Morsi got elected.

Wadi Naturn

I'm constantly searching for fun and interesting things to do here. This is actually just my nature, no matter where in the world I am. But the lonely planet book for Egypt is filled with amazing little places that neither I, nor my Egyptian fiance, knew existed.

One of them is Wadi Natrun. Apparently the lake there is so full of Natrun, a salt so important that back in the day, this Natrun was used to mummify bodies. Flash forward 5,000 years, and it is said to be an excellent for the skin, especially as a treatment for skin problems like psoriasis or eczema.

Right at this lake is an eco lodge that I found in the book, where we took a day use to enjoy their pool and dip in the lake. The grounds of this lodge are adorable. The place was designed for groups of people to hang out and have a good time. There are bonfire pits, an amphitheater, a huge dining hall, and lots of palm leaf-covered huts and tables scattered.

Going into the lake was an experience. Where the lake receded, the leftover natrun felt crunchy under our feet, and below it is a layer of rich mud that is also excellent for the skin. The lodge keeper instructed us to go into the lake, soak for about 20 minutes and go for a walk. Then we had to stay in the sun until the water dried, when we were left looking all white and salty. Then we repeated this all day. Like the Dead Sea, the water is so dense, your body floats, no matter what depth you're at. If water comes near your eyes, you're in for it. Based on how much this water stings, if you have a rash, psoriasis, or an open sore, it's impossible to imagine that anything could live in this lake. I'm not sure if anything does.

We really felt exhausted at the end of the day from the dehydrating salt soaks, direct sun exposure, and the sand storm that was brewing that day. But my skin was GLOWING at the end of this. I would certainly go back for a weekend.

Enjoying the Nile while it still belongs to Egypt

There has been so much buzz about the Ethiopian dam, and lots of threats coming from Egypt over this Nile. While you can't argue its importance to Egypt since forever, I can't help but find it a bit hypocritical for there to be so much heat over a river that is so obviously neglected, it is ridden with pollution and filth.

Nonetheless, as we continue to tackle my friend's bucket list, two of her must-dos involved lounging on this controversial river.

We took a felucca ride at sunset, and sat there relaxing in what seemed to be the only quiet place in Cairo, (aside from the loud noise eruptions from the other balady boat rides- blasting bad shaaby music).

Then over the weekend, we found ourselves at Le Deck, at the Sofitel, and spent all afternoon into night lounging on the comfy chairs. I'm really just trying to get in as much QT with my cutie friend before she leaves. :-(

After snacking on overpriced, classy options at Sofitel, I brought her over to City Drink in Dokki, where we had fresh juices with the locals. I introduced her to the Egyptian concoction called, "Conbela," which is layers of mango juice, cream, fresh fruit, basboosa, and ice cream. Surprisingly, no one bothered us. The guys behind the counters even asked us to take their pictures and put it up on "Face." She loved the place, the dessert, and the juice, so we've already been twice since then- it's THAT freakin good.

dahab, earning a silver medal

One of the hard realities about living abroad, is that your expat friends are here for a limited time only, (so you better act fast!). Their contracts expire and their posts come to an end. Eventually, they return home, and you are left behind, missing them, and having to constantly replenish the bank of friends you earn.

My closest expat friend is counting down her last few days in Egypt, and she's hitting her Egypt bucket list with full force before packing up and out of here. One of the last things left to do, that I absolutely promised we'd do together, was to go to Dahab, over in Sinai.

Just about an hour north of Sharm al Sheikh, Dahab is the polar opposite of the European and Russian tourist-infested beach destination. Dahab is a chilled-out stretch of boardwalk along the Red Sea coast. It's known for its low-key atmosphere, cheap beach camps, diving and snorkeling, and recreational activities.

When we arrived, like any time we arrive in a tourist destination in Egypt, we are creeped out by how eerily quiet and empty the place is. The airports were so quiet you could hear echos. The boardwalk was empty, which meant we received even more attention from the restaurant and shop vendors, begging us to please come in and spend some of our much desired money.

I prided myself in finding a great hotel deal on the beach, only to learn that there aren't actually any hotels on the beach in Dahab. In fact, there isn't even a beach. Instead, there is a boardwalk that divides the stretch of hotels and shops, from the restaurants and bars. I assume that there was once a beach under this boardwalk, but now the cafes are cantilevered over the sea. So basically what you do is, choose one of the cafes with the most sun beds, soaked up the sun, order food and drinks, and then descend into the water by cafe-made steps. But it's not bad at all.

The water is gorgeous, the weather is great. The food is actually delicious, all fresh and made with care. We noticed the sharp contrast of how there is a little more effort put into making food in Sinai. Produce is fresh and it all tastes so much better.

It did get a little sketchy at some point though. We wanted to go on a bedouin dinner in the desert, and our hotel was offering to send the two of us girls, alone, in the desert about 2 hours away, with bedouins. I don't like to be that scared tourist who is afraid of adventure, but with the weekly kidnappings we've been hearing about in Sinai, we very seriously refused the offer. We were hoping they'd do a group trip of whatever few tourists were in Dahab, but unfortunately, not the case.

So all in all, we had a perfect girls weekend. We got some sun, soaked in the sea, ate great food, talked shit about the crazy Russian tourists who were dunking their newborn baby into the water head first, shopped, and had one of the best massages I've had in a while.

Clean, but still dirty

I take a shower every morning. I wake up, I take a shower, I loofah my skin and wash my hair. I scrub away the dirt and dust from the day before. And at night, I rinse-off of my face, hands and feet before I go to bed. But still, all that time in between, I feel dirty.

It has little to do with the garbage piled up on the streets. It has nothing to do with the litter and the dog shit that I consciously avoid on the sidewalks. It is not because this city is polluted, or dusty, or dirty. It's because it is filled with street pigs who make me feel dirty.

You see, I'm victimized because of the way I was born. Because I have the audacity to walk through the city streets with my calves, my thighs, my butt, my back, my breasts, my arms, my neck, my face, my hair- all the things that come with the biological package for a human being of the female sex. All those things that have existed since Eve- since we were created. And yet, for some reason when I go out, it's as if I were the first woman to ever walk the earth. Somehow it is still shocking that I exist.

My walk to work is a mere 15 minutes through my fantastic, super expensive, expat-filled neighborhood. But no matter how gorgeous the apartments or how rich the residents are, the streets are like all other streets in Cairo: filthy. As I walk with my headphones blasting, I try to ignore the stares and comments from the street pigs. The poor, ignorant, classless men that litter the streets. They service this neighborhood: the bawabs, the delivery boys, the parking attendants, the shop keepers. They ruin life for women in Cairo. They fuck the shit out of me with their eyes, and follow me as I walk past, muttering hisses and kisses, and praises for my beauty. If they meet me through a narrow passage, they take the opportunity to squeeze through with me, to brush up against me. Rub up against my breast, my butt, my arm, whatever they can get. They take whatever piece they can get.

I always imagine that when I'd find myself in these situations, I'd be so enraged with fury that I would attack them: yell, scream, punch, kick. But instead, what happens is that I am so humiliated, I just run away. I retreat silently, feeling so unjustly violated, and wanting to avoid any negative attention being brought to myself. I just scream inside my head, repeating over and over again, "How dare he?"

For those 15 minutes a day, I've undone the shower, the deodorant, the perfume, the makeup. I've become filthy again, having been raped on my way to work. Every.Single.Day. No matter how thoroughly I scrub myself, or whether I'm wearing Chanel or Chloe perfume. No matter if I use organic deodorant, or the regular stuff, it never seems to remove the filth that I encounter on the streets. I am disgusted. If only these street pigs could be eliminated with the swine flu. I think Egypt slaughtered the wrong ones when that outbreak occurred years ago.

Harassment is not a new thing in Egypt. It is a sick and pathetic part of society that hasn't changed for as long as I can remember. Instead of changing society, women have learned to cope by avoiding the streets. Living their lives from one climate controlled environment to the next. But I refuse to do that. I refuse to let classless, ignorant animals dictate how to live my life, it goes against everything I ever taught myself. I will not hide and spend my life indoors. I will not sacrifice my life for these pigs.

I've had to modify my wardrobe and eliminate my skirts, dresses, and all my favorite things to wear. I've had to adopt a whole new style of dress (which is so sad and disappointing), for these street pigs. I've had to change what I love to wear, and avoid taking taxis, and be driven almost everywhere by my fiance. Yet it is still not enough. It is still not enough because I like to walk. I like to go outside; to exist outside my apartment. And why should that right be taken away from me? Why shouldn't I walk wherever I want? I did in NYC. I did in Paris.

I am not the problem. My clothes are not the problem. But I just can't seem to get the stench out.

Heading home...

Apologies for totally slacking on writing posts. There is a complete correlation between my happiness and the volume of writing that I produce. It is amazing how little I need to write when things in my life are good and happy. It almost feels like a chore. And at the same time, I'm not sure that anything I write is relevant anymore. I feel no desire nor need to share my experiences anymore. It's so strange...

I started this blog with the intention of documenting my year off and my year of random travels, and how that would (hopefully) change me. But then I settled in one place (I still did manage to travel some), and then my life completely changed so rapidly. And now I'm no longer a tourist in Cairo, and I'm not sure what my timeline is going to look like in terms of where I'll be living and when...

But for now, I'm going back home for a 6 week break. I'll be stopping in Paris and Lyon for 2 weeks to visit friends and family first. Then I have a day layover in London where I'll meet up with another friend before heading home.

I'm so looking forward to this break, although it is coming at a pretty inconvenient time for me. With having just started my job and getting engaged, it's not exactly ideal to be disappearing for so long.

But I'm not going to complain. I just see it like I am extremely lucky to have the luxury of taking time off every few months. See ya in NYC!

Vacation over.

I just landed my dream job, and I still pinch myself to make sure it's real.

Right around the new year, I had really begun to shift my thinking about my year-off, my future, and my stay in Egypt. I originally had this grand plan to travel around the world and then settle down a year later, somewhere, in a career/job that fulfilled my passions in life. I didn't have any ideas as to where I would go or what I would do, but I vowed to allow enlightenment to come randomly. But Egypt felt right once I arrived. Now, 6 months later, it still feels right. I love my life here; I love my friends, my family, the weather, and my social life. I honestly haven't felt this happy with my life in years. So maybe I didn't travel anywhere else (although I did make trips to Paris, London, and Peru), but this happiness is exactly what I was hoping to find in this year off. That's why for a while now, I haven't felt like I am on vacation or here as a tourist, and I've been looking to find a semi-long term solution to staying in Cairo.

The teaching job eventually got on my nerves, as I felt like I was wasting my time on students who barely put any effort into learning, and had zero knowledge about the world around them. We'd go through our workbooks, and they wouldn't have a clue as to who the Beatles were, or even Mahatma Gandhi, or James Bond. They're all college educated students, but they live in this sheltered, naive, pathetic bubble. I couldn't get through to them, and I was getting nothing out of the job in return-- especially financially. I had had enough. It was never going to be a career change anyway. It was only ever meant to give me something to do during the day.

So I began to think about semi-long term solutions to staying in Cairo. I'd need a real job that paid, so that I would stop digging into my savings. I wanted to have a normal life again. And although I had a fear of selling-out, I started researching and applying to construction and development companies. Despite the terrible economy here, there is still a significant amount of construction around the city. But thanks to the terrible economy, those construction companies aren't hiring. And I mean that literally.

I was cranky for almost all of January, and my boyfriend was such an angel for putting-up with me putting myself down. He's an incredible person: extremely patient and caring, he's the love of my life, and knows me better than anyone. And at the risk of sounding too corny, like an angel, he saved me. He noticed that every time we went out, I would have to comment about the design of the space. There's a hot new trend of restaurant/bar pop-ups that have really attractive looking spaces that just lure me in. We go out all over Cairo, and I always talk about the paint colors, the materials, the furniture, or the packaging. (Never really the food because we've already established that the food sucks in Egypt).

So he was the one who suggested that I work in interior design. Obviously, I have a passion for it, and it's not too dissimilar to what I've been doing, it just has a more exciting focus. Despite the fact that he and most of his friends work in interior design, I really didn't think it was possible for me to do that. I didn't think I could work in Egypt, in Arabic, and learn a whole new job at the same time. I thought I would only be appealing to construction companies with my strong resume. Interior Design? That was just on my Inshallah To-Do List.

Of course he knew which company designed all of my favorite places here and told me to just take a look at their website and see if they may interest me. I must have sat on their website for at least half of the day. They are owned by women who have fabulous taste, one is from Canada, the other went to NYSID, and they are located in Zamalek. I had to work there. He had contacts at all the other design firms except this one, but this is the only one I applied to. All I had as far as a contact there was the generic careers@... email that all companies post on their sites. AKA - the email address to no one. But I wrote to it anyway. I wrote the most elaborate, heart felt, honest email, about how their spaces made me want to stay in Egypt, and make me feel at home here. I went on to tell them about my move, my career switch, and how there's no place I'd rather work for, than them. It took me a day to write that email, and all I could do was cross my fingers, but I knew that no one would even see the email, let alone read it.

The next day I got a phone call.

The night before my interview, my girlfriends and I went to another one of the spots they designed, Aperitivo, for "research." The first interview was great and I was very optimistic. I knew to wait 2 weeks for the partner to return from a business trip to hear back. During that time, I wouldn't discuss a single detail about the interview with anyone except for my boyfriend. Not my roommates, not my friends, not my family. I felt too superstitious to jinx myself.

And then I was called in for a 2nd interview. That interview lasted only 20 minutes. They didn't have many questions for me, and I felt extremely nervous. Something felt weird. I went home and cried all afternoon, rethinking every detail of the interview, feeling terrible that for the first time, I didn't rock an interview, and I wouldn't be offered a job. I felt so bad and so sorry for myself, that I surrendered and told my boyfriend that even though I wasn't getting the job, we should still go to the fondue restaurant that we were saving for my celebration. I was really mean to him that day. (sorry.)

Two days later, I got the call. And the job. And we went to that fondue restaurant to celebrate.

I started 3 days later, and so far, it has been so exciting, so challenging, and everything I wanted. I walk to work, and my office is beautiful and old and full of character. My bosses are fabulous late-30s-something women who I really admire. The staff is all about my age and speak a mixture of Arabic and English in the office. There's even an American-Egyptian girl from Minneapolis sitting next to me, and she also lives around the corner from me. My Arabic is improving, my skills are expanding, my CAD memory is returning, my clients are motivating. It is such a freakin cool job. It is literally everything I ever wanted to do. Meet a client, visit a space, come up with design ideas, draw them out, watch the space transform.

My job is so freakin cool and my boyfriend is a hero for encouraging me to pursue it.