Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Getting married in Egypt - Part 2.5


In the past week, while preparing for our last step towards getting legally married, we learned that it's possible to have someone from the Ministry of Justice come and perform our marriage at home. It's not yet 100% confirmed, but it opened up the opportunity to throw a party and make a celebration of it. Now our families have been really excited about arranging something for us, and I've been really excited to have an excuse to make another dress.

I hurried over to my tailor and fabric shop and got everything I wanted, including a commitment to finish the dress in a week. I chose to go for something a bit bridal this time, champagne and white. Up until recently, I struggled with the idea of being a bride and having to plan a wedding. I've always loved to host events and cater to people, but I've learned that when I'm the center of attention and the party is about me, I'm super uncomfortable with that. I also don't want to annoy people with chatter about my wedding. I don't think that anyone really cares what my centerpieces will look like, or how I will wear my hair, what my dress looks like, so I try to keep it to a minimum. But one thing I've really realized is that people do care. In fact, my coworkers and friends are offended if I don't share.

So lately, I'm finding myself more and more excited about it all. I learned that when I do talk about my wedding plans, people get excited and involved. So I try not to hold back as much. We finally met with our wedding planner, I know- finally, we have 5 months to go!, but they said we have plenty of time. I felt really comfortable discussing my ideas with them. They seem to get our theme and colors, and we all seemed to get along great, seeing that we spent 2 and a half hours at the meeting!

I'm feeling more and more excited about planning this wedding now, especially when I get email confirmations from friends from home and abroad. So far we'll have almost 20 friends from 4 continents attending, in addition to all our friends and family here.

Anyway, for this weekend's party, we've been running around looking at balloons, chocolates, cakes, flower arrangements, jars, ribbons, paper, you name it. It's going to be a fun little celebration!

Off to my first dress fitting!

Fashion Designer


While I was growing up, I developed a lot faster than other girls my age. When my mom and I went shopping at the mall, it was always pretty depressing, because I was too big for Limited Too, but I was too immature for The Limited-- I could never find anything. I was always stuck in this awkward limbo of not being able to buy cute clothes that fit. Out of that, I turned to making my own clothes, a trait that runs in both my father's and mother's blood line. My grandmother and my mother's aunt were both seamstresses, and my paternal grandmother was always making dresses, or at least having them made, and that gene was passed right down to me. Since adolescence, I was always sketching ideas for dresses and skirts, spent weekends browsing through patterns at the craft stores, and hovered over the sewing machine, as I created my very own clothes. Whenever I was bored, I'd beg my mother to take me to fabric stores, in search of the next skirt or dress I was set to make. I made dresses for the sweet 16s I attended, parties, graduations, etc. But eventually, that stopped when I went on to college.

Egypt is the land of customization, where you can pretty much design anything you want, and have it made specially for you. It is completely normal to have things like dresses, suits, jewelry, etc., custom made. And this has turned Egypt into one giant dreamland for me, where every idea, sketch, and dream I've ever had, can now become reality. It began with my engagement rings, which were completely designed and custom made by/for us. Then it was a birthday gift with my cousin's name made out of brass, and attached to a clutch. Then it was some furniture and slip covers for my couch. And now it has naturally evolved into dress making.

Women normally and regularly have dresses made for special occassions. The selection in stores is limited, and very expensive. So everyone has their tailor that their family goes to, and makes dresses. In need of a dress for my cousin's upcoming wedding, I had to have something special made. I found this amazing tailor, thanks to my coworker, who's work should seriously cost much more than it does. Every dress I've seen come out of that atelier is beautiful, and mine was no exception. I was initially very skeptical because of all the horror stories I'd been told: tailors don't finish well, tailors don't tailor well, you never get what you actually want, etc. I went with my sketches (at the time, my book had 18 sketches of dresses), and he got exactly what I wanted right away and was even able to show me pictures of similar dresses he had done. I was sold.

Then I went over to the wekala, the fabric market, where my eyes were opened up to a whole new world. My fiance very patiently bared with me, as I spent 2 hours gushing over all the fabrics and hunting for the right fabrics for this particular dress I was designing. It was overwhelming in a great way! All the beautiful fabrics, all the beautiful colors, all the beautiful potential dresses!! I was looking for that particular dress, but I was creating so many more in my head with all the selections in front of me.

After 2 weeks and 3 fittings, I left with a dress that was stunning. When I came out of the dressing room during one of my fittings, all the girls in the atelier stopped and gasped at the dress. In fairness, the stunning color has a lot to do with it, but the dress was gorgeous, he did such a great job. I couldn't wait to wear it! I took it a step further and had a brass belt custom made by a nearby craft shop to complete the look. The first time my fiance saw me in the dress at the wedding, he was stunned speechless.

So now I'm working with this tailor to bring all my sketches and ideas to life. The more I go to the fabric shop, the more I want to make. It's one of my favorite creative hobbies since childhood, and now that I'm teamed with a fantastic tailor, the possibilities are limitless.

Onto the next dress!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Getting married in Egypt, Part 2


The next step in the marriage process here, involved us going to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to get the notarized Affidavit certified. What that exactly means, I have no idea, but it's necessary nonetheless.

Early Saturday morning, we went to the office in Mohandisin to work on Part 2 of getting married in Egypt. The office was churning out certifications, and although there were 30 people of ahead of us when we arrived, we only stayed for all of 15 minutes. We gave the government worker our treasured Affidavit, and without even reviewing it, he stamped it, we paid 11 LE, and done. Totally anti-climatic.





So in preparation for Step #3, which is the actual marriage part at the Ministry of Justice, we got copies of our IDs and my resident visa made to head over to the government doctor for the dreaded medical exam. When I first read the words government doctor and medical exam, all I could think was, OMG, I don't want to get hepatitis! Government hospitals aren't necessarily the cleanest places, and I kept imagining all sorts of crazy scenarios of being given a blood test with a pre-used needle, cleaned with a cotton swab soaked in rubbing alcohol. I was freaking out. When we walked into the Family Medicine center, my heart was racing so fast, you could see it in my neck. Run by women, my fiance wouldn't even be able to talk his way out of us getting an exam.

So we had to suck it up and deal with whatever was to come. We waited for about 10 minutes until we were asked to pay 86 LE, and gave them all the copies of our IDs and photos. The admin filled out a few forms for us that we had to sign and finger print. First time I ever had to finger print a document! I made the mistake of nervously asking what we would actually have to do as part of the exam, but my fiancé elbowed me to keep quiet, because apparently paying for the paperwork was the extent of it. Then I realized, why on earth would they go further than necessary and actually examine us, when they could just take some money and fill out a piece of paper instead? Duh, TIE. And thank God! Because it spared me of having to deal with any refusals of a blood test!

The admin then handed the paperwork to whom I assume is the head doctor of that facility, and she sat us in an office where she asked us a bunch of questions about each of our medical histories. She was very sweet, and the whole process took no more than 10 minutes. She told us about how she lived in Canada, and was happy that we would be getting out of Egypt during these crazy times. When all was said and done, she gave us each a certificate with our photo stapled to it, and congratulated us on our way. 25 minutes in and out. Part 2 took 1/6 the amount of time that we spent at the US Embassy in Part 1!!





Next and last step, the Ministry of Justice. I have one week left as a bachelorette!

Getting married in Egypt, Part 1


My fiancé and I are planning our February wedding here in Cairo. It's been a bit challenging because it's completely normal to start planning a wedding just a few months before the big day. In New York, the average is about one year in advance that people book their venues and start their planning, but here, no one seems to have any such urgency. This makes it really difficult to give my friends and family abroad as much notice as possible,to plan their trips. When we first tried to plan, we had 8 months to go, and hotels and venues weren't ready to start booking that far ahead. We were actually turned away from the Mena House for that reason!

Side note: Mena House has a whole list of issues, beginning with the fact that as of January 2013, they have no longer been under Oberoi management, and there has been a serious lapse in the quality of service there. The worst management decision being made, is the plan to turn the outdoor garden/lake area into a food court. The only hotel in the world with a view of the ancient pyramids via a beautiful garden, is replacing its major alluring feature (and the only reason I wanted to have a wedding there), with a food court!! So from January 2014 on, no one can have an outdoor wedding, cocktail hour, reception, etc. there. So stupid! Their reason for doing this is to attract tourism. But in a country where tourism is currently dead, there is zero point in doing this! At least cater to the clientele you do have, local weddings, and grab that massive business potential. Idiots!!! Once I saw a glimpse of the inept service, I crossed them off our list.

In the end, we chose a better venue, which is a gorgeous villa right on the Nile River. Once we visited this villa, we knew it would be the place. We stood by the river, arm in arm, overlooking the property, planning and imagining our entire wedding there. Luckily, that is how most of the planning is going for us. We both have similar taste, we want to have a non-traditional, atypical, non-Egyptian type wedding, and we pretty much know exactly what we want. My fiancé is so involved and excited to help with the planning, and I couldn't imagine doing this without him, especially since I don't have my mother here to help. (What bride ever wants to plan a wedding without her mom??) I am no bridezilla by any means, and I've never put any importance on having a wedding-- ever, I actually think they are silly and suchhhh a waste of money, so I've had a very easy-going attitude about it all. This is only made easier by having such a great partner to plan with!

Anyway, the really exciting part is that we have just recently begun the process of getting married legally here in Egypt. Like for reals, married. On paper. Le-gal. Since we are planning to go back to New York, (let's face it, I'm a New Yorker and I just have to go back!), it's imperative that we start working on that notorious visa and all the associated paperwork.

If I were an Egyptian citizen, getting married would be as simple as having a religious ceremony, which would also include a contract and all legal documents to certify our marriage. But since I am a foreigner, getting married in Egypt is a three step process that involves a lot of paper, a lot of photos, a lot of stamps, and a lot of patience.

Step #1 had us at the American Embassy. We were so lucky that the Embassy was open on the day of our appointment. I had made it 2 weeks in advance, and it seems that lately, the Embassy closes every other day, when clashes erupt. It was abnormally crowded that morning because many appointments had to get rescheduled for that day. After waiting an hour, we were given the Affidavit and another form to fill out in both English and Arabic. The Affidavit is what we'd take to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Justice. We were instructed to write carefully, and if we'd made any mistakes, to come back for a new form to fill out. Apparently the Egyptian government does not authenticate any document with mistakes on it. We made mistakes. And then I yelled at my fiancé for using purple pen, because-- who signs in purple pen? We filled out the form twice, then gave it back to the "teller" behind the counter at the Embassy. Paid the $50 fee, and sat there waiting another hour to have the Affidavit notarized by the Consul.

He was so friendly and happy for us, that it was the first time the process felt exciting. We all signed, happily thanked everyone, and head out. Halfway out the door, I noticed that one of the "tellers" spelt my name wrong. The name that is written clearly in my passport, which they used to fill out their portion of the Affidavit. AHHH! We had to go, get another form, return it to the "teller," wait for them to fill it out, and then face the Consul again. Another hour later, my patience running thin, we were called. I reviewed everything, pulled out my favorite pen to sign, and halfway through my signature, my pen.runs.dry. Dead. Won't sign my signature. Everyone, including the Consul and his assistant gasped. I couldn't believe that with all the stresses and the wait, yet another thing could go wrong! So I jokingly had to say, "Well maybe this is a sign that we just shouldn't go through with this! It isn't mean to be!" I went over the signature ever so slowly with another pen, to complete it. Relieved, we all cheered, and the two of us left with the treasured document.

Next up, step #2.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Cairo's Curfew


This is real. The city has a curfew.
7pm.
In a city where the average person doesn't leave the house until 6pm, you can imagine how paralyzing a 7pm curfew can be.

Since the fatal attacks and exchanges began last week, this curfew was issued, and I, along with the rest of the country, had to adjust my routine based on the limited time I now have to get things done. Work was generous enough to let us out an hour early now, and I hope you can sense the sarcasm in this bit. Because getting out at 4pm and getting home around 5pm, just about the time that all stores and shops close because their employees need to get home before curfew too, is useless. Especially when your biggest client is in Qatar, and you don't want to give the illusion that the news headlines may actually affect business. We stay until 5 most days to make our deadlines just to give the rich Qataris the illusion that Egypt is fine. Don't worry, we are not going to have any delays in designing your multi million dollar mansion. We understand how vital it is to your wellbeing.

So everyday is a bust. I haven't been the gym in nearly 2 weeks, I barely have time to run errands, and I don't have my (one) luxury of calling the supermarket or restaurants for delivery at night, because guess what, they're closed. I have used up every grocery that was either canned or frozen. I can't even spend time with my fiancé, because he is also working, and then needs to make a 2 hour traffic-ridden journey home before curfew. Then add to all of this, the fact that I don't have internet or TV in my apartment. I am going out of my mind. I watched every movie ever downloaded onto my hard drive. I am too bored to even find something creative to do.

I just turned 30 years old and I couldn't wait for my birthday. I couldn't wait to be 30. But my birthday and pretty much every day since have been a huge let down. Is this what it feels like to be 30?

The last time I had a curfew, I was a teenager.

I am 30 years old and I am not allowed out after dark.

Friday, August 16, 2013

A year has passed...


It has been one year and 3 days since I arrived in Cairo.

I can't believe how much has changed. Everything about Cairo that made me want to stay last summer, has disappeared. Everything that I thought was great about Cairo, has gone away.

In the year that I've been here, the economy has tanked. What used to value as 5 LE to the dollar is now 7 LE. Inflation struck, and things are much more expensive now, yet salaries have stayed the same. Going out for a sushi dinner with my fiance is equivalent to going out and spending $300 on a casual meal for two in NYC. I can't afford to travel, I can't afford to splurge, I can't afford to explore or do any of the things I thought I would do, being centrally located in the world; and being an expat here in Cairo.

The political problems have not ceased since Thanksgiving last year. I hosted a huge Thanksgiving dinner amongst friends, and that night, my friend who is a journalist, announced Morsi's decisions about the constitution and his new dictatorial role as the president. Since then, I've seen a constant stream of marches, protests, buildings set afire, Tahrir turned into a campsite, women getting harassed at protests... We saw millions go out and protest against Morsi's constitution, asking him to leave. We saw the world pressure him to restore democracy in Egypt. Then we saw the military step in and act in response to the country being paralyzed by anti-Morsi protests. Morsi was removed, and for some reason, his supporters turned this into a religious war, waging a jihad against the infidels who oppose him. It has been senseless, unproductive, and frustrating to watch.

Once I started working, I realized how different life is here. Most employees lack passion for their work. Nearly everyone I've dealt with lacks professionalism. Contractors do whatever they are capable of doing, and I am at a complete loss as to how to deal with the situations I'm dealing with. There is zero capitalism nor chance for class mobility. The rich open businesses and use their rich connections to make money. Middle class don't stand a chance, because the gap between the two is so great, it's impossible to say, open a restaurant with middle class money. The general public don't really have a chance. They get to be spectators. And the rich are so f*cking rich here. I can't understand how they make their money. Most are just born into it. The worst is when they just open any bullshit restaurant or shisha place for the sake of making easy money. When I sit with those clients, I struggle to control this inner fury that would kill to have a piece of that wealth to start my own business... with INTEGRITY. They're all making sick money in any type of currency, and they're paying us annually what the average American makes in one month.

It's like the only thing I learned about living in Cairo this past year, is that living in Cairo is extremely f*cking difficult. No wonder Egyptians are dying to leave. There are so many days lately, that I question what I'm still doing here. Why am I going through this? Why am I ok with making 1/11th of my former salary? Why am I ok with living in such a backwards country? Why am I ok with living in a country on the brink of civil war? Why does it take 2 months to have internet installed in my apartment? How much more hair am I going to lose?

When I try to assess the pros and cons, I struggle to find the pros.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Who is really to blame in all this mess?

What is happening right now in Egypt is exactly what I expected to happen, I am not at all surprised or upset. This is a consequence of a series of short-sighted decisions with no long term foresight, which is a major, crippling characteristic of Egypt.

No one makes the right decision for the right outcome. Rather, decisions are made based on what is 'good enough' for right now. It happens every single day on every single level.

It happens when someone decides to drive down the wrong way on a one way street, which screws everyone else up, causes traffic jams blocks over, and results in exaggerated horn honking and yelling. The wrong driver picks the fight, justifying the mess he caused with the convenience of taking a short cut. And everyone accommodates him by moving out of the way-- and he never learns a lesson.

It happens whenever a contractor takes the easy way out on every single one of my projects, doing dumb-ass things I've never seen on a construction site before. Things like oh, it was easier to just run a waste pipe right through the kitchen floor, which will now raise it 30cm (12") so, now we have a ceiling height of just 1.8m (5'9"), so we'll just have to get someone short to work in the kitchen. Huh? Or let's open a Lebanese restaurant next door to our pizzeria, but make the guests access the 150 square meter Lebanese restaurant through the 30 square meter pizzeria, so we don't have to make 2 entrances. But keep the maximum number of seats in the pizzeria. The customers can just squeeze past the tables.

It happened when they built new suburbs about 45 minutes outside of Cairo, to lighten the load and traffic on Cairo. But instead of including in these developments, most of which are as large as Cairo themselves, a plan for infrastructure or public transportation, i.e., trains or buses, they made them accessible via one road. One. Paralyzing traffic TO and FROM Cairo, because everyone still works there and has to drive in each and every day.

It happened when Egypt hosted its first ever election, and hastily voted for Morsi rather than the left-over from the old regime.

Morsi comes from a group of people who are so threatening, the previous governments spent decades trying to diffuse and suppress them. Decades. Affiliated with Hamas, and known to be terrorists, Egyptians gave the Muslim brotherhood the power they spent decades killing for. Last year, tucked away in NYC- away from Egypt for 3 years, I could see all the problems Egypt would (and did) have, from miles away.

Did anyone think that the MBs might clean up their act once they got power? Or was this just another short-sighted decision with terrible consequences?

Of course the US is accused ofinfluencing the election and negotiating a deal with the MB, which gave them American and Israeli support, and thus, the presidential position. I don't doubt that for a minute, because America's goal is to control as many puppets around the world, as possible. Egypt has been one of its favorite puppets for decades, and that will always be maintained for America's so called "freedom," or rather, "best interests." Egypt will always have to be poor, and its people will always have to remain largely ignorant so that it never catches up to the US or Israel. Egypt is suppressed to remain a 3rd world country, giving Israel the upper hand, and thereby adhering to the Camp David accords, and playing by America's rules. (Not that I have anything against Israel.)

The military stepped in to broker a deal with Morsi last week, after millions of Egyptians protested against him. Morsi refused to negotiate or compromise on all the undemocratic changes he made this year, so the military united with all political and religious parties, as well as the courts, to come up with a plan to get Egypt back on track, in response to the voices on the streets. What we witnessed was democracy in action, not a coup, and I admire the military for taking on that role.

But through all of this, everyone is looking for someone to blame. The only people I find myself able to blame are the Egyptians who voted Morsi into power. Not the US, not the Egyptian military. The Egyptians who overlooked his loyalty to the MB, the history of the MB, his lack of political experience, his obvious lack of class or charisma... But voted for him anyway. This is all their faults.

They should have had more foresight, they should have been more realistic. They should have anticipated these outcomes. They cannot now, a year later, throw a tantrum because they realized they made a mistake, and now want him removed.

They gave these terrorists the power they wanted for generations, and now that they've decided to take it back, they expect the MBs to just comply? They will fight, they will kill, they will terrorize. And it's all the voters' faults. The rest of us living here have to deal with the consequences of their actions in voting him in.

Don't blame the US, don't blame the military, don't blame the police. They were their votes that gave them the power. They were their cries that took it away.

This is the consequence of giving democracy to a terrorist dictator. His supporters are largely illiterate. His supporters are largely poor. They don't know the difference between a constitution they can't read, and religious manipulation. They don't know the difference between dictatorship and democracy, because dictatorship is all they have ever known. Yet the voters gave them the upper hand, and they won't let go of that now.

My fiancé made a great analogy while trying to calm my frustrations down. Egypt is like a septic tank. Like a waste dump. Egypt is underground in this waste collecting tank, while the rest of the world is living above ground, with fresh air and sunshine. Everyone here is living in shit, and shit is what they're used to. Sometimes, instead of shit, some urine comes down the waste pipe, offering a false reprieve. 'Yes! Piss! Not shit!' But at the end of the day, it is still piss. And while you might think the urine is better than the shit- it will turn out to be just as bad or even worse: Diarrhea.

That is how Morsi got elected.