for years, i resented the fact that i never got to study abroad, and i never took time off after college to travel. the truth is that i was so obsessed with starting my career, achieving success, and reaching my goals, that i wouldn't allow myself to spend time on such frivolous activity.
so instead, i worked and accumulated my 10 vacation days per year to go on vacation. i'd only go to egypt or france to visit family. it was important that i was earning an income, saving, and staying on my career path. but somewhere between my 3rd and 4th years of working, i started to feel the itch. i saw friends of mine volunteering or traveling abroad, and their facebook pictures made me sick with envy. i had friends move abroad for love, to amazing places like Paris, Morocco, Egypt... and i was so jealous that my company wouldn't transfer me somewhere like theirs did! i hated that no matter how many applications i sent to work abroad, no one gave me the chance. then, when i visited dubai in 2008, i fell in love, and my company's office there wanted to make me an offer. but a few short months later, all the economic markets crashed, and dubai has never been the same since.
it was between 2008 and 2010 that i really became obsessed with the idea of travel. i started traveling with every vacation day i earned, and every trip was inspiring. every trip made me feel like there was more to my life than working a corporate 9-5 job. the more conflicted I felt, the more research I did. i read all the travel blogs by people like me, and i tried to muster up courage from other people's stories of quitting their jobs, packing it up, and flying around the world for x amount of time. i was just like them! i was questioning my life too! i was sick of my job and lifestyle, too! i wasn't seeing where anything was going in my life. but instead of finding courage, i found a new job. i thought, maybe a better position, a change of scenery, and a higher salary might help that unsatisfied feeling deep inside.
out of that, i managed to get a nice month-long trip to india. i felt inspired, i felt rejuvenated, and i started a blog. but not much could be done with 10 vacation days a year. still, i wasn't happy and a year and a half later, when the opportunity to work for another company, with another salary increase came along, i thought it would be the best of both worlds for me. take another month-long break, rejuvenate myself, and get another salary increase! i thought, maybe this job is what i'm looking for. i even made sure to promise myself that i'd think of a 5 year plan to eventually create a life for myself that revolved around my passions: travel and food.
this time, i went to morocco, and morocco completely changed my way of thinking. it inspired me in ways that made me realize that money, job title, and possessions are so not all that. it reminded me that life matters. life. it reminded me that family matters, and almost immediately after returning, i restored my relationship with my father, after not speaking for 4 years. and it reminded me that religion matters. after claiming to be agnostic and giving up religion completely for years, morocco reminded me that it's great to be muslim again.
and ever since that trip, i haven't been the same. i've been more serious about pursuing this new future, whatever it may be. the more i realize that 30 is coming around next year, the more i realize that there's no reason to wait. my personal life has been waiting for 29 years already!
while my new company is great and it's actually everything i could ask for in a company, my mind isn't with it right now. i'm not only doing myself a disservice by staying, but i'm doing them a huge one as well. they deserve an employee who is happy and motivated. but i just can't be that employee right now. i should be happy. i reached my career goals 4 years sooner than I hoped, I make more than I could ask for, i have a closet full of goodies, a great apartment, and I live in the greatest city in the world. but none of that matters. i need something more meaningful. i need a future that matters.
after struggling with this realization, and struggling with being able to convince myself that it's ok for me to take time off for me, and with the support of my father, i finally decided to speak to my boss. he and i mutually agreed that it's time for me to take a break. he even gave me a great, personal example of how his daughter quit her job and traveled the world with her boyfriend, and how it was the best thing she ever did. he suggested i do something similar. funny, you read my mind! but it's hard for me to leave after a few short months here.
of course i would never leave on poor terms, and i have no reason to- given that it is completely personal and has nothing to do with them... i just don't know what i want to do, but right now, i can't imagine continuing to do what i'm doing anymore. i need a change.
and so here i go... my new life starts now.
